RJR - they make cigarettes, don't they?

 "The only thing I expect out of lawyers is that they be back in their coffins by sunup." 

--  F. Ross Johnson, former CEO, RJR Nabisco


Slammed again

An old farmer so disliked lawyers that when he saw a lawyer walking down the sidewalk, he would swerve his old pickup truck up onto the sidewalk and run them over.  

One day, this farmer was driving down the road with his pastor in the passenger's seat of the truck when he spotted a lawyer.  Without thinking, he instinctively swerved toward the lawyer to run him over.  But at the very last second, he realized that he couldn't run over another human being with his pastor in the truck, so he swerved back onto the road, narrowly missing the lawyer.

Still, the old farmer felt terrible, so he decided to confess to his pastor.

"I'm sorry," Pastor,  he said.

"That's okay,"  replied the pastor.  "I got him with the door." 


A lawyer named Strange

One day, a lawyer named Carson Strange went shopping for his tombstone.  After Carson made his selection, the stonecutter asked Carson what he wanted the epithet to say.

"Here lies Strange, an honest man and a lawyer,"  responded Carson.

The stonecutter furrowed his brow in bewilderment, then began slowly shaking his head.  "Can't do that,"  he replied, "people will think we buried 'em three deep." 

Then his eyes lit up with a different idea.  "However, we could put on the tombstone, 'Here lies an honest lawyer.'" 

"But how will they know who I am?"  protested Carson.

"Are you kidding?  Everybody will look at that tombstone and say, 'That's Strange.'"